Meeting The Parents
by PhantomBialystock
Summary: How hard is it for a guy to tell his parents he's involved with another man? Well, when you have old fashioned parents like Max Bialystock, it's almost impossible.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! This twoshot was written for a contest over at the amazing Musicals RPG under the Misc. plays/musicals forum. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Producers. It's all Mel Brooks's.**

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**Part 1**

"Who was that?" Leo asked the moment I slammed the phone back down on the cradle. I let out a long sigh and made my way over to the couch he was sitting on in the living room of our apartment. It was painted a nauseating shade of brown and decorated with nothing more than a TV, a coffee table, and a black couch.

"My dad," I said with little enthusiasm.

"Again?"

"Yes, _again_." And frankly, it was getting to be a nuisance. My parents were calling me almost everyday now. It wasn't that I didn't like that them . . . okay, so maybe that had _something _to do with it. It was more the fact that the only time they ever called me before was on Christmas, and sometimes on Easter, but ever since Leo and I went to prison for our Springtime for Hitler scheme, they wanted to check up with me all the time. Leo never believed me when I used to complain about the never-ending calls, but ever since we moved in together, he agreed with my point of view.

"What do you even talk about?" he asked me.

"They always ask about our shows, the production team, and, well . . ." I pause for a moment. "They're always wondering if I've found a girlfriend."

Leo stared at me in bewilderment. "You mean you haven't told them about . . . us . . . yet?"

"What? You expect me to tell them that?" I got up from my seat and crossed to the other side of the room, crossing my arms. "I've told you before. They're biggest tight-ass conservatives in the world. They're prissy, they're snobby, and they hate anything that isn't perfectly acceptable." I kicked at the ground. "If they ever found out that I was sleeping with another man, they'd probably disown me!"

"Well . . ." Leo mumbled, not entirely sure what to say. "You don't have to tell them."

I strode over to the window and heaved a long sigh. "But I _want_ to tell them. I'm afraid they'll do what they did after we got out of prison."

My partner chuckled at the memory. Before we were together, my mother made a feeble attempt to get me to date the ugliest women to walk the Earth. "Sophia?"

"Yes, Sophia! But I can't do that this time. I have to introduce you to them tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Leo's jaw almost fell open in disbelief.

"They invited me over for their typical Sunday dinner. They call me all the time, but I haven't actually seen them since before you moved in, and they want to see me. The house is right outside the city, not very far."

The bewildered gaze in his eyes still hasn't left, though. "So we're just going to go and surprise them?"

"We're going to surprise them either way," I admitted as I retook my seat next to Leo. "I can tell you this much; they never expected their son to be a faggot."

"I'm sure they won't hate you that much."

"I'm sure they will. But I have to get it over with eventually, right? So tomorrow. Are you okay with it?"

He nodded in agreement, but then hesitated. "Will they yell at me?"

I shrugged. "Who knows? They'll probably yell at me more than anyone, but they might blame you for something. Don't worry, though. I'll be there."

He smiled up at me. "Okay."

"So you'll go?"

"Sure."

Leo laid his head on my shoulders. I ruffled his hair as I sank further into the couch. His eyes fall shut and his breathing becomes steady. I sat there with him for ten minutes or so before he fell asleep.

_All tired out from the rehearsal today, _I surmised while I slowly lower him down. I stuffed a pillow under his head and draped a blanket that was hanging over the couch across his body. My eyes gazed at him one last time before I left the room to make some dinner. He was usually the one to come up with our meals, but I could manage to cook something so he could rest. After all, he would be needing the extra energy for tomorrow's confrontation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

"Now remember, Leo, just go along with what I say," I reminded my partner as we got out of the taxi that drove us to my parents house. I stuffed some money into the driver's hand, and as soon as he zoomed away, I looked up at the old house I used to call home.

"Yep, I'll remember," Leo replied as he, too, marveled at the house. It wasn't big, but neither of us could deny that its exterior was well-decorated. Colorful flowers surrounded it along with neatly-trimmed bushes. The lawn was cut to perfection, and even though the house had been around since I was young, it was still in good condition.

"Well, that's my parents for ya," I remarked with a nervous chuckle. My heart was pounding in my chest like an angry fist.

"Do you think they'll like me?" Leo asked for the thousandth time. I answered the same way as before, hoping it might actually sink in for him this time.

"They'll like you alright. What they won't like is but the fact that we're together." I let out a sigh. "Come on. Let's get it over with."

Leo and I exchanged one last nervous glance before following the stone walkway to the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited for Mom or Dad to open the door. My palms were moist and my mouth was as dry as a scorching desert.

It wasn't long before the door swung open, revealing good ol' Pops in his elegant black suit and tie. His dark hair was slicked back and his dark eyes hid behind an expensive pair of spectacles. I suddenly felt underdressed in just a simple suit and an old tie.

"Max! How good to see you!" he exclaimed as Leo and I entered the plush living room. "And who is this you brought along?"

"Leo. My . . . business partner and . . . friend," I said. Maybe I didn't want to make the big revelation just yet.

"You never said you were bringing a friend!"

"Well, I forget the plans we had made earlier when I agreed to come see you, and I didn't think you would mind."

"It's absolutely fine!" A wave of relief passed over me; he fell for that pathetic lie. "Now, how about you two take a seat." Leo and I plopped down on the white leather couch in the back of the room. Dad took a seat in an easy chair of the same color, and then called out, "Dorothy! Our son is here!"

"Just getting the cheese platter together!" an overly feminine voice replied from another room.

"Your mother has been preparing all day for this," Dad said with a bright smile. I retaliated it just moments before Mom entered the room, bearing a platter with an assortment of cheeses and crackers. Her chocolate brown hair was neatly tied back in a bun, not a single strand of hair out of place. The dress she had chosen to wear was long, black, and elegant, accompanying the high-heel shoes she had on.

She placed the cheese platter down on the glass coffee table, and then pulled me into a quick hug. "Oh, Max, it's so good to see you!" she exclaimed, and then looked over at Leo. "And who's this?"

"I'm Leo," Leo told her. "His business partner and friend."

"I didn't think you would mind if he came along," I added.

"It's fine!" she assured me, taking a slice of cheese before sitting down in the easy chair next to Dad. "The more the merrier."

For forty-five minutes or so, Mom, Dad, Leo, and I engaged in conversation of an awkward nature over the cheese and crackers. After asking Leo some simple getting-to-know-you questions, they decided to drill me with questions of all varieties. Dad stuck to the easy ones that I didn't mind discussing. He inquired about my job as a theatrical producer, wondering about my current projects and what the occupation was like. The information I gave him seemed to peek his interest; after all, he had always been interested in every subject and was the one to force me to get decent grades in high school.

Mom, on the other hand, decided to approach the topic of my love life. She was still determined that I find a steady girlfriend no matter how old I was. After all, what would the bridge club that she was the president of say? That was all that she cared about; the opinions of her circle of friends. In order to keep her happy for the time being, I made up some cockamamie stories about a women named Cecile that I supposedly went out with. I was still hesitant to explain my real love life. Mom and Dad believed my blatant lie, but I somewhat wished they hadn't so I would be forced to give the truth.

Not long after Mom finished quizzing me about Cecile and her imaginary family, the oven went off.

"Looks like it's time to eat," Mom announced, getting up from her chair. The rest of us followed suit, and then tailed along behind her into the kitchen. The old stove was still here, along with the worn-out cabinets and counters. Great-Grandma's antique china still sat in the china closet in perfect condition, and the old table and pinewood chairs occupied the center of the room. The table was decorated like it usually was for Mom's Sunday dinners; white table cloth, flowery centerpiece in the middle, and plates and utensils set out the proper way. Leo eyed the set-up curiously. I just shrugged, used to the formality in this household.

"Sit down, sit down," Mom instructed us. Leo and I set across from each other on the sides of the table while Dad took his accustomed place at the head. We watched as Mom took a freshly roasted turkey out of the oven. The smell was enough to make my mouth water, and I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into it. She brought it over to the table and then went back a few times to get the pot of vegetables, gravy, and the salad. Once she was seated at the table, we all began to serve ourselves.

The four of us said very little for a few minutes, too busy enjoying all the different food to talk. The only sounds in the room was the clanging of the silverware until. It was a nice break from being quizzed and being expected to produce a respectable answer. Even when Dad decided to break the silence, it was just to compliment the cooking.

"It's very good, dear."

Mom smiled up at him. "Thank you, darling." She then turned to me. So much for a break from being quizzed. "So, Max, how about you tell us more about Cecile?"

I wanted to groan. Hadn't we said enough about this nonexistent girlfriend of mine? "Well, actually, we broke up last week." I hoped this would end all discussion about her, but Mom wouldn't allow the topic to be dropped just yet.

"You broke up?"

"Yes." I shoved another spoonful of peas into my mouth. "There was another man."

"Another man?" Dad asked, clinging onto ever word.

"She had another boyfriend that I didn't know about."

"It was awful," Leo chimed in before wiping his face with a napkin. It was strange to hear his voice; he had been keeping a low profile throughout our visit.

"Sounds it," Dad remarked.

"So are you going to find another girlfriend?" Mom asked. "It would be nice if you could find a steady one. You can't seem to keep them more than a month if that."

"I know, I know." I had heard these comments too many times. "I will."

"Actually, I know someone you might be interested in. She's one of the bridge club member's daughters. Her name is Angela."

I tried not to look too disgusted, but the memories of my first date with a member of Mom's bridge club still haunted me. It was like dating a younger version of her. "It's okay. You know, there's an actress I've had my eye on at rehearsals."

She wouldn't give up, though. "No, no, you really should meet Angela. I'm sure she's better than any actress you've met! Very pretty, you know."

"Um, Mom, on second thought, maybe I should get over Cecile first."

"Oh, nonsense! You seem to be over her already."

"But . . ."

"But nothing, Max," Dad interrupted. Now I've got both of them against me. "Your mother may be right about this. I've met Angela and her family before, and they're very nice people."

"In fact, how about we have them over while you're here? Right after dinner I'll call them! They live five minutes down the street and I'm sure they're home," Mom said as Leo shot me a concerned look. "You'll take a liking to her right away!"

"I'm not exactly looking my best, though," I protested, but both parents dismissed it as foolishness.

"You look fine," Dad assures me. "Anyways, it's not like you're going on a date with her. We're just having the family over so you two can meet."

"How about I call them right now and ask them to come over in twenty minutes?" Mom asked as she shoveled down a the last bits of turkey on her plate. "I'm full anyway."

"Sounds fine with me."

Mom got up from the table and began to approach the phone on the wall. Leo and I exchanged uneasy expressions. I watched as Mom took the phone off the hook, but before she could dial the number I announced what I had been waiting to announce.

"I can't date Angela! I already have a partner, and it's Leo!"

Dad's jaw almost drops low enough to smash onto the table. Mom just lets her grip on the phone slip. They exchanged bewildered expressions before commenting on what I just revealed to them.

"You're with . . . him?" Dad said in disbelief.

"That's what I've wanted to tell you all day," I replied, catching Leo's nervous look out of the corner of my eyes. "I hope you guys are okay with it."

"Okay with it? What do you mean okay with it? OF COURSE WE'RE NOT OKAY WITH IT!" Mom boomed, storming her way over to me. "I did NOT raise you to grow up and be. . . be . . . be like this, Max! Sleeping with another man! How atrocious!"

"And you," Dad said, jumping up from his seat and pointing his forefinger in Leo's face. Leo inched a bit closer to me and retrieved his blue blanket from his pocket. His whole body shook as Dad slowly approached him. "You're the one who told him it was okay, didn't you? You're the one who convinced him it was okay for you two to be in love!"

Leo stuttered for a moment before saying anything of substance. "I-I d-d-didn't do that s-s-sir."

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I know my son would never enter into such a disgusting lifestyle if someone wasn't coercing him first!"

"Dad, it wasn't his fault!" I blurted out, placing a protective arm around Leo. "It's no one's fault."

"Didn't we teach you about being a good Christian?" Mom asked, ignoring my last comment. "Didn't we teach you about the Bible and the Lord's teachings? This is a sin, Max! A SIN!"

"And I'm absolutely DISGUSTED by it! I can't believe my own son would do God-knows-what with another man!" Dad yelled. "It's disgusting! Absolutely disgusting, and in fact, I don't ever want to see you or your . . . little boyfriend ever again!"

"I agree with your father! Your a disgrace to this family!"

I clenched my hands into tight fists and jumped up from my seat. "I knew you'd understand!" I screamed, and then rushed out of the house. Leo followed closely behind, trailing me while I ran a few blocks down. I didn't want to be anywhere near the house after an incident like that. It hadn't been much of a surprise that they reacted in that manner. I knew it was going to be ugly from the beginning.

"Are you okay?" Leo asked me when we finally stopped running.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. I took a seat on the curb and let my head sag in my hands. Leo got down next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"You don't mind that your parents . . . well . . . hate you?"

I shrugged. "Of course I care. But there's no sense dwelling on it. They hate me, they hate you, and I knew they would."

Leo nodded. "I wish my parents were still alive. They wouldn't have minded."

"At least we would have had one set of parents who understood. But does it really matter?"

Leo looked surprised. "Of course it does, Max! They're your parents!"

"But we don't need them. We have each other, Leo." He lowered his head into my lap and closed his eyes. I smiled down at him, wiping a stray hair from his face "And that's all that matters."

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**A/N: The Sarcastic quote "I knew you would understand!" comes from Nathan Lane when he told his mom he was gay and she told him she would rather him be dead. I thought it was appropriate.**

**Hope you enjoyed this!**


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